


The Arsonist

by commanderclarke



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Basically just angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Lots of Angst, Mentions of Lexa - Freeform, Minor Character Death, School, University, basically just a Murphy fanfic, but with clurphy feels, i mean lots of it, it’s the only place I’m familiar with, mention of alcohol addiction, placed in Canada, that’s about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2019-11-28 16:16:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18210641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commanderclarke/pseuds/commanderclarke
Summary: Murphy’s intention was to let off some steam after a messy night. Instead, he was just panicked and worried. After all, he did just burn down an old historic building.Or in which Murphy is angry about all the mistakes he’s made and decides to make the worse one of them all and his friends must help him.





	1. hungover and confused

**Author's Note:**

> Alright hey guys!! So recently I’ve been writing more (after taking a long ass break) and have wanted to write some clurphy stuff for a while. 
> 
> This has a lot to do with Murphy and how everything plays out (especially at the beginning) but don’t worry, there will be some major clurphy flashbacks and bits later on ;)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you all enjoy as much as I am having writing it and planning it :)

>  

The room was wide, the table long with chairs holding way too many people in far too expensive, fancy suits.

His blue eyes were beady and dry as he glanced around the room of at least a dozen people, both men and women. The walls were tall and made of nice orange-stained wood and white sheers were covering the windows that started from the floor and reached to the ceiling.

He slipped his hand into the pocket of his suit jacket. He looked like everyone else in here, high and mighty. Better than himself. Only he only rented this suit and would need to take it back the next day. In no world would _John Murphy_  be able to afford a nice suit.

His fingers looped around the hard cord he had in his pocket. Raven shoved it in there before he walked up the stairs and found his way into the room. She told him he needed something to distract himself. To keep himself busy. That was twelve and a half months ago. And about a completely different topic.

Notepads were lied out over the table, notes and dates and numbers scribbled along the lines. Murphy watched as the man he thought had his back—god forbid he listened to Monty for once and decided not to trust strangers—and yet turned against him, staring down at his folded hands placed carefully on the table.

His blond hair was gelled back perfectly, the sides shaved and clean. Murphy, on the other hand, had only pushed his hair behind his ears. He regretted it when he felt himself running his hand through it for the hundredth time this hour.

They all had their eyes on him, piercing through his soul, trying to search for an answer he hadn’t said. He only shrugged, leaning forward and copying Danny’s (the man who betrayed him) position.

“No,” Murphy told them, raising his eyebrows to the lawyer sitting next to Danny, “I did _not_  burn that building down.”

He gulped down his fear and anger from the situation and continued, “not on purpose, at least.”

 

**425 Days Before Court Date**

 

 Being hungover definitely wasn’t one of Murphy’s favourite things to be. An asshole maybe, along with a sarcastic jerk. His friends made sure he knew those were the very things that defined him.

Murphy sat up from his couch, faster than he had liked and opened his eyes. The bright sun came in through the window on his right and he squinted to see across the room of his tiny apartment. The shirt he had on the previous night was hanging off his tv and somehow the underwear he swore he was wearing yesterday were on the top of his Christmas tree that he hadn’t taken down. 

His eyes fell to his jeans. With a hook of his finger, he lifted the waistband to find those were, in fact, the underwear he had been wearing the night before. Though he had no idea how they got off his body.

He held his hand over his stomach and slowly moved to the edge of the old black brown couch. He felt as if he were going to throw up, the contents of last night wanting to join the mess on his floor.

Bellamy, Raven, Octavia and Lincoln found their way into his apartment for New Years and that was how they ended up getting drunk. He didn’t plan on doing it, but it happened, and now he would suffer today.

The pounding in his head was loud and he knew if he didn’t take care of it soon it would only get worse. Murphy stood from the couch with very little movement, and with even smaller steps, he found his way into his homely kitchen where many empty bottles of alcohol lied. It looked like a bomb had exploded, leaving nothing but regret and broken dishes scattering the countertops. 

Reaching into the top cupboard, he pulled down a glass and filled it with water. Last time he had gotten drunk, he woke up in the park the next day in a puddle of his own vomit. Bellamy–while also being in the same state as him–had left him there. When Murphy called him, while in a fit of rage, to mouth off about it, Bellamy had no idea what he was talking about.

Taking a sip of the warm water, he placed it down and hovered over the sink. The sudden urge to throw up still lingered and would for the rest for the day. He was hungover. He had been it so many times it was like his friend. A really shitty one.

Murphy took one more long gulp of the water before dumping the rest of it down the drain and setting the glass into the half full sink.  _That’s the fullest it’s been since she-_

“Ugh,” Murphy perked his head up at the sounds of groaning coming from his bedroom, little concern and lots of confusion flooded his brain as he inched his way out, passing the living room and into his bedroom.

His grey sheets and pillows were tossed onto the floor, a shirt crumpled up on top of the pile too. Two empty water bottles–one toppled over onto his bills–were on his dresser. In the middle of his bed lied an overtired and very hungover Bellamy. 

“How the hell did you end up in my bed and I had to sleep on my couch?” Murphy squinted his eyes at the other boy, is arms shifted over his stomach. He bit his lip to try and reduce the pain he felt low in his gut. Drinking was so fun yet the aftermath was so not.

“...I don’t know,” Bellamy answered honestly. 

“Jesus Christ dude,” Murphy shook his head, annoyance in his tone and on his face. He carefully grasped at an old shirt, only using his thumb and pointer finger to grab an edge. “You threw up on my only clean shirt.”

“If it was clean...why was it on the floor?” Bellamy lazily said, his words just slightly muffled from the way he had his face pushed into Murphy’s mattress. Bellamy had a point.  _Clothes would have been put away in the dresser if she was still here._

“Just get up,” Murphy changed the subject, tossing the shirt into his laundry basket. His room–like the living room and kitchen–looked like a mess.

Bellamy groaned, saying a string of curse words while he forced himself off the bed, nearly stumbling onto the floor in the process. Murphy had only rolled his eyes and headed to the washroom, a few seconds away from unzipping his jeans when he heard a low murmur and a light snore.

Stopping, he turned away from the toilet, staring at the yellow paint and towel hung on the rack attached to the wall. Another snore came. He shifted his view to the closed, dark red shower curtain on his right. At the end of the tub, he was able to see a black-socked foot and the ends of someone’s pants.

Murphy threw them open, yelling down to the sleeping, hungover Raven who had made his small tub her bed. She had a stain on her navy blue shirt and her hair looked damp.

“Raven,” he called, kicking her shin. She told him to shut up and leave him alone. Murphy sighed and told her to stay where she was while he finally got to use the washroom.

There wasn’t much he could remember from the night before. All he really knew was that Raven and Bellamy were on break for the holidays and came and joined Murphy to celebrate the new year. Octavia and Lincoln came to the bar with them, came back to his place too but then left early. The three of them had a few more drinks once they were gone. Beyond that, he couldn’t even remember how many of them ended up in their current situations.

Bellamy took the washroom next, yelling at Raven with a dry voice to stay put while he peed. She ignored his wishes and came out of the closed door, rubbing her head that most definitely was pounding just as hard as Murphy’s was.

“What the hell?” Raven fell back into Murphy’s couch, lifting her back up and throwing a remote that she sat on at Murphy. It hit his arm, leaving a red mark by his shoulder.

“Hey,” he grabbed his arm, rubbing the sore spot. Raven chuckled, then grimaced at the feeling it created in her stomach.

Bellamy joined them, finding the space in between them comfortable as he rested his feet on Murphy’s wooden coffee table. He used to do that all the time. Put his feet up on the table because it didn’t matter, no one was around to care

Until she had moved in and she let it go at first, telling him only once in a while that it was unsanitary. Eventually, he began to listen, wanting to show her he could be better. Show her he was better. That felt like a century ago, but in reality, was only a year. He hadn’t placed anything but food, drinks and clutter on that table since.

“Take your feet off the table, Blake,” Murphy warned. Raven and Bellamy both turned to him. Raven scrunched up her nose and stretched her legs out.

“What’s up with you?” She asked, no amusement in her voice. Even if she tried to tease–as much as she wanted to–she couldn’t get enough energy into the action.

Murphy didn’t say anything, only curled into himself in the corner of his large couch. It was a couch with three inner pieces, two end ones and one for your feet and Murphy was more than content with the purchase of it. He’d say it was probably the best thing he’s bought in a while.

“Nothing,” he replied, hugging a throw pillow to his chest. He lied. Everything was up with him. His two best friends were only here for a few more days before they were off to college again, just like everyone else was. The only person he could still talk to throughout the day was Echo. And that was if he decided he wanted to leave his house to annoy her at her job.

Everyone’s lives would go back to normal. To something they could be proud of. And John Murphy would just sit in his apartment, wallowing in his own sadness and occasionally go to work when they needed him, which seemed to be less and less these days. He wasn’t sure he would even be able to keep up with rent.

Raven would be in classes, Bellamy would be in the courtyard of their big fancy university. Monty and Jasper would be at their special, important job that they went on for hours about but his thoughts were always the same. Filled with one of two things. How much his life sucked or how much he fucked up other people’s lives.

At least lately it was more about himself.

“I think the look on your face would disagree,” Raven noted. Bellamy, who had graciously taken his feet off the table, nodded. 

Murphy mentally switched his expression to a less depressing one, but his face didn’t cooperate so he sat up, the same frown on his lips. “Well my face agrees, it just doesn’t always like to listen.”

“So...it doesn’t agree,” Raven concluded, standing from her seat and heading into the kitchen. The wall blocked her from Bellamy’s view but in the corner Murphy watched her reach into the cupboard and pull a bottle of Tylenol out.

 “No, no it doesn’t.” He shut his eyes, wanting to sleep off the hangover. But before sleep could drag him under, Bellamy’s voice cut through.

“Okay, it doesn’t agree.” His voice carried through his tiny apartment, reaching the front door. Or that’s where Murphy assumed he was, he hadn’t opened his eyes yet. “All I did this break was get drunk and find new ways to buy presents under pressure. I have two assignments due next weekend and I’ve barely started on them.”

“Sucks to be you. I finished two essays and an assignment Christmas Eve, all I have now is a presentation to plan out.” Raven responded. She had grabbed a glass and filled it with water, taking a sip she dropped the pills into her mouth. She made a face. “Ew, I tasted it.”

“What’s it like, too, yeah know, have a life? I mean people must be proud that you actually did something with it. Going to university is the biggest accomplishment at our age.” Murphy turned on his back, staring at the ceiling. In the middle of it, it looked like a wave pattern in a circle. _Someone got bored,_ Murphy thought.

Raven sighed and Murphy could hear her walking towards him. The couch dipped and she appeared over him, blocking his view. “Murphy, come on, you’ve done stuff. Things people are proud about.”

“Yeah, dude,” Bellamy assured, sitting by his feet. He patted his leg, offering a genuine smile. Murphy stared at the freckled face boy and tan women above him.

He had known them since he was a kid and no matter what happened they were always there for him. They always told him things he needed to hear, even if he didn’t believe them.

 “I dropped out. I dropped out of school. A _good_ school, too. It fucking sucks. All I’m good at is disappointing everyone,” Murphy huffed out a short breath, his eyes wandering the empty walls where pictures use to be hung. He couldn’t bear to look at them any longer, so he took them down nine months ago. The frame marks still lingered on the white walls.

“That’s not true,” Raven started, pushing him up so they could sit next to each other, “going to college or university isn’t a must. People may make it seem like that, but it’s not, and you’re doing completely fine on your own.”

“Tell that to anyone who I’ve told that I dropped out, they’d disagree.”

“They don’t matter. Only we do. Okay?” Bellamy said. Murphy sighed then stood from the couch. They watched him as he stared out the sliding door that led to his balcony. The seventh floor is where his tiny, one bedroom apartment was and it overlooked practically the whole city. Watching the sunset from up there was one of his favourite things to do, although he would never admit that to anyone.

 “Yeah, yeah you’re right.” He didn’t mean it. He thought they were far from right. Especially about the whole ‘schools not important’ bullshit. But, he still smiled nonetheless, shoving his hands into the deep pockets of his baggy jeans.

 They returned the favour, Bellamy grinning with his teeth and Raven half smirking. The topic of discussion was changed to whether or not Cheeto’s should actually be called Cheeto’s or by the proper name, Cheesie’s. Raven was astounded at how she was friends with a traitor (Bellamy) for so long. She wholeheartedly believed that if you called them Cheeto’s, you were a sociopath.

 Murphy only laughed along, wondering how the hell he ended up with two of the most, sincere, kind-hearted dumbasses.

 He may be clueless, but he was thankful.


	2. Cold Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i’ve had this chapter done since i published the first one and then just forgot about it and got busy whoops. but im done with school for the summer and im going to try and find time to write and finish this, but i hope you guys enjoy!

** 419 Days Before Court Date **

 

They were gone. They went back to school to do their projects and essays. Things he would have also been doing had he stayed in school. Murphy was left alone, sitting at a small coffee shop, and all he had was his thoughts. 

Somewhere within these last two years, something went wrong. He wondered what it was. Or, more so how it got to that. It was pretty clear to him. 

It really started when high school ended. Raven, Bellamy, Clarke and Octavia planned on going to university and proceeded with that plan. Echo just wanted to work. She didn’t care about schooling and how it worked anyways. She only moved there within the last few years and didn’t want to waste her time–or money–on some big post-secondary school. 

Jasper and Monty got into a big cooperation job before high school was already finished so school was off the table for them. For now, at least, they thought they might go back in a few years. Lincoln moved just out of the city to live with Octavia while she went to school. 

 And then there was Murphy, who had been working at a convenient store since high school, making minimum wage and losing his shifts the longer he worked there. 

 All he could think about was how they had their lives together and he didn’t. Not to mention the world seemed to shout that at him every chance it got. 

 “Hey, what are you doing here?” A light voice came from above him. He peered up, removing the hood from his head to see the familiar tall brunette. 

 “Hey, Echo. Just sitting here. It is a public place, after all,” Murphy wiggled his eyebrows, smirking at her. She rolled her eyes, dragging the chair out from the table, an annoyingly long screech came from it. 

 “I meant, why are you at  _ Starbucks _ ?” Did you get lost on your way to McDonald’s, or the liquor store?” Echo teased, leaning forward onto the round table. Murphy turned away at the mention of liquor. He wasn’t that bad. Was he? 

“Believe it or not, I like coffee,” he retorted, pointing at her before taking a long sip of the hot peppermint mocha he had. Never did he think he’d like Starbucks. 

“You can still like coffee without coming here. This is Canada after all, we have places like Tim Hortons. There are second cups around here too.” Echo finished, taking a long sip of hers. Scratching the scruff on his chin, Murphy shrank back into his seat. 

 It was barely one in the afternoon, most people were at work. Or school or doing things with their friends and family. It was hard finding things to do lately, as everyone was off doing things that this society considers normal. It was routine. That’s what it was. Everyone falls into the same damn routine in life. 

Go to school for twelve years then you either go to college or university or you finally start your endless lifetime hours of work. But hang in there, only forty more years right? 

“Want to do something today?” Murphy suddenly asked. Echo thought for a moment. They never really hung out with each other outside of the friend group, unless Murphy dropped by her worked. Other than that they never contacted each other. 

 She nodded, pushed her chair out and stood. Murphy slid out from the booth and followed her out, walking side by side to her silver Honda. 

 “What do you wanna do?” Echo teased with a small smile. They got in and she stuck the key into the ignition, the car coming to life with a grumble. Murphy thought of the possibility’s that were held in or around their city. 

He immediately had three ideas come to mind. They could go and see a movie together, which was lame. Everyone did that. _Boring._

There was also, of course, the indoor trampoline park.  _Too expensive_. 

And lastly, they could go and check out the shops downtown, maybe spend a little bit of money.  _Way too many creeps_. 

“How about we head to Toronto,” Murphy suggested, crossing his ideas off. “We could make it there by two. There are tons of different stores and things to do down there, I’m sure we could find something to do.” 

Echo considered it, bobbing her head side to side. “Alright, sounds good.”

They pulled out of the parking lot and headed for the highway, rolling down the ramps and speeding up to stay within the speed limit. Echo turned the heat on, blasting cold air out onto Murphy’s feet and face. 

 “What the hell?” He half-shouted, aiming the small blades that shot out cold air away from him. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his black winter jacket, groaning at the sudden chill that took over his body. Echo chuckled and signalled before pulling into the left lane. 

“Sorry, if you want to be warm you gotta suffer through the cold first.” Murphy stared out of the window after that, occasionally talking to Echo when one of them thought of something to say. For the most part, though, they just listened to the music and drove. Murphy watched as light flurries danced in the wind of the cold January air. 

Trees passed in a blur, their leaves torn from their branches only months prior. Murphy was lost in thought, thirty minutes out on the road, when Echo spoke up, hesitating with her question. 

“How have you been doing? Since...” she didn’t finish her sentence, letting the unsaid words hang in the stuffy car. Murphy shifted uncomfortably, looking towards her as she concentrated on the road. 

Memories came back to him in bits. The restaurant around the corner became their second home on Sunday nights when the hockey games were on. The mall up on the mountain was their favourite spot to hang out. The record store was their favourite. 

One night they camped out on the balcony. The AC in the apartment was broken and it was  way  too hot to spend another minute in that damn place. Murphy insisted on the idea of setting up the chairs and the small table in the form of a tiny fort. She told him it was childish while she had on her little kid grin on. 

 He remembers that night as if it happened yesterday. But it didn’t. And he would never get to spend another night like that again. 

 Murphy cleared his throat, eyes trained on the highway before him, as if he was the one driving and if he looked away they’d crash. “I’m fine.” 

“No one says they’re fine and means it, Murphy,” Echo sighed. He only ignored her and opened up the cabinet in front of him. A few CD cases, a pile of napkins and her car manual. Nothing good enough to distract him. 

 “Murphy, come on. Talking about it might help.” She pulled into the right lane again and exited the highway, “actually, it does help. If you knew what was good for you then you’d tell someone.”

“Well, I don’t know what’s good for me so I won’t tell anyone. I don’t have any issues I need to talk about,” Murphy mumbled, biting his lip as he returned his gaze to the passing buildings and stores and dozens of cars that were creating traffic. 

Echo let out a frustrated breath. They sat in silence until she reached a large, outdoor area. People were huddled in groups out from of a stand while people skated around in circles. Murphy threw his head back with a groan. 

“This was not what I had in mind, you know I hate skating.” Echo laughed and turned the car off. 

“That’s the point,” she replied, getting out of the car. Murphy joined her out in the harsh weather. A crisp wind whipped against his face, burning his once warm ears and nose. He pushed his face into the zipper of his jacket and shoved his bare hands into his pocket. 

“I hate you,” Murphy muttered, bumping Echo’s shoulder as he walked past her. “I hate you more.”

They wandered into line, standing behind a small family of four while loud chatter rang through their ears. Kids were either laughing, screaming or crying. Parents held their children back and yelled at them when they misbehaved. Then there were the couples that sat close to each other, whispering things to them or running their hand up the others back. 

Murphy turned away from it all and faced Echo. “Why this place out of everything? I mean, we do have our own skating rink back in  our  city.” 

“Yeah but there’s more to do here, and more people.”

“Snobby people. Everyone is so annoying here,” Murphy said, standing close behind Echo as she paid for two pairs of skates. She rolled her eyes, shoved her hands into her jacket and walked off to the side. 

“Not everyone in Toronto is like that, you ass.” They grabbed their skates and went to the rink, beginning to skate around after ten minutes of convincing Murphy that it wasn’t all that bad. 

Murphy went in circles like everyone else, holding onto the wall most of the time. It wasn’t exactly that he hated skating, it was mostly that he didn’t really know how. 

He dragged himself along the thick ice, crossing the other side, almost running over a kid who decided to stop. They stayed there for a while, Echo skated around three times in the amount of time it took Murphy to get around once. Each time she laughed as he struggled to stay standing. 

It was almost eight when they hopped in the car, freezing from how cold it had turned. Murphy blew warm air into his red hands, rubbing them together quickly to try and spark some heat. Echo blew out a low breath, the air going smoky, making her look like a dragon. Murphy chuckled and awaited the warm heat as she turned her car on. 

“Maybe we should just stay in a hotel tonight. It looked like it snowed some more, I don’t wanna risk going home in this,” Echo suggested. Murphy nodded, mumbling a quiet ‘yeah’ as he pulled the seatbelt over his torso and listened for the click. 

The silence that filled the car while they drove off was comforting. Murphy had felt content with how today had gone. It wasn’t often that his friends could hang out, as they were always so busy with their own lives now, so when he got the chance it was always fun. Even if it was something he didn’t like or didn’t know how to do. 

They arrived at a hotel nearby and checked in, heading up to their room with two giant king beds. Murphy flopped down onto the one closest to the window, “I call dibs on this one.”

“Whatever.” Echo threw her bag onto the floor, searching through the mini fridge for a snack. All they had was overpriced water. Murphy opened the curtains to a view he really couldn’t be surprised about. From the fourth floor, all you could see was the construction of the building next to them. 

“Come on, let’s go.” Murphy glanced back to Echo, she was standing by the door, a small smile covering her face. “Let’s go get some food.”

Murphy grinned and followed her out the door. After the long hours they spent outside, he was starving. 

< < < > > >

“Whoo, I won!” Jasper danced around, chanting about his winning in pool. Monty let out a frustrated groan as he threw the pool stick onto the fuzzy green table. Jasper stuck his tongue out and ran when Monty started towards him. He laughed and moved back to the table. 

“Come on, one more!” He called. Jasper squinted his eyes at him then joined him again, grabbing his stick while Monty stacked up the pool balls. Clarke wiggled around on the chair across from them, scrolling through Instagram, wasting time. 

“Clarke, you should play too,” Jasper added, turning to the blonde scrunched up in the leather chair. She bit her lip, pulled her grey hood over her head and shook her head. 

“I’m not really in the mood, sorry guys,” she replied, going back to her boring feed. Every picture was the same. Parties, couples, kids, her friends. Her friends who weren’t here with her. Who were rather further away from her. Before college and university, they never left the city, not often at least. So much had changed. 

“Alright, suit yourself. I’m gonna kick Monty’s ass again,” Jasper claimed, bending down to get a better angle. Clarke chuckled, moving her feet onto the small chair. 

She peered over to the window, large snowflakes fluttered to the ground, building large heaps of snow against the doors and windows. She had many doubts about staying in their hotel another night. At this rate, they may get stuck in here if it continued to snow as hard as it did. 

The door to the entertainment room flung open and Brian, their  _friend_ , walked in. His black shirt hugged his torso tightly and his brown hair was a mess. 

“Brian!” Monty cheered, raising his glass to him. Brian winked and made his way to Clarke, smiling as he sat next to her. Clarke returned the favour, sitting up and crossing her right leg over the other. 

“The snows getting pretty bad out there,” Brian noted, leaning back into his own chair. Clarke nodded, tilting her head at the brown haired boy, “hopefully it stops. I mean, I don’t want to be stuck in a hotel. That’d be the  worse. ”

They both laughed, the light sound filling the room. The lights were dim and bounced off the walls, casting a dark shadow over Brian’s face. Clarke watched him and the room closely before standing to her feet. 

“Well, I’m gonna head to bed now, been pretty busy all day and now I’m tired,” Clarke announced, smiling to her friends before heading for the door. Brian was quick to follow and as they left the room and started down the hall, Clarke felt anxious, her insides twisting as the taller boy smiled down to her. 

Brian pulled Clarke to a halt. He looked down at his feet and Clarke couldn’t tell what he was thinking. She tried to read his expression, to tell her anything, but he was pale. 

They had been staying in the hotel for a project. It was to check out the different types of arts and sculptures that were planted all around hotels, stores and other buildings throughout the city. Jasper and Monty had joined them because they had nothing better to do. Clarke was thankful for that. She didn’t want to spend anymore time with Brian than she needed. 

“Clarke, I, uh.” Brian couldn’t find the right words to say, making Clarke want to run for her room now more than ever. Things hadn’t exactly been normal since he’d gotten there. Monty and Jasper had been trying to convince her to go out with him. She denied them every time. All they ever seemed to be doing was trying to get Clarke with someone. A few months before they met Brian, Jasper tried getting her to go on a blind date with his cousin. Clarke told him she didn’t want to meet her, to which Jasper had frowned but gave up. 

Now she was standing in front of Brian, in the long hallway that felt like it stretched on forever and never ended. Brian fiddled with the ring on his finger, gulping before moving forward. Clarke was taken aback when he leaned down, connecting his lips to hers. He moved slowly and hesitantly against her, his hand placed lightly on her side. 

Clarke could feel her gut twisting with uneasiness as she felt him against her. She hated this. She would rather be anywhere but there. Yet she felt frozen on the spot, her feet glued to the carpet below her. 

She stood there in shock for a few more seconds before pulling away, wide-eyed as she stared at him. Brian muttered a sorry before running back to the entertainment room. Clarke watched him but was then distracted by the brunette who had been standing at the end of the hall, quickly running away when Clarke noticed her. The girl was gone before she could say anything. 

Clarke shook her head of every thought that started to cloud her mind and walked off to her room, clenching her hands by her side. She wanted to go home more than anything. 


	3. Stuck in a Glimpse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s been 2 months whoops. I started writing more over the summer but some shit happened, but I have a spare this semester and whenever I have time I plan on writing. 
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy this one :)

Echo hurried back to the hall of the small cafe in the hotel. Murphy was heading towards her quickly, in hopes to make it to the entertainment room they had. He was shoving a brownie down his throat when Echo started pulling on his arm, forcing him back to the front, swerving through the people that wouldn’t move out of the way.

“What are you doing?” He mumbled through the food that he still hadn’t swallowed. Echo only ignored him, still dragging him away from where she had just seen Clarke. The last thing she wanted was for Murphy to run into her and for them to make a scene. They had a record of doing so. Bellamy and the others could second that.

“Echo,” Murphy wiggled out of her grip, eying her skeptically once he was free. He took a step back, throwing the last of his brownie into his mouth and swallowing it almost whole. She glanced around, making sure the certain blonde hadn’t wandered into the lobby. Murphy snapped his fingers in front of her face, catching her attention.

“I’m going to the entertainment room, come with me. They have a pool table in there. I bet I could kick your ass,” Murphy smirked. Echo glared, shook her head and walked over to the elevator. She let out a breath when she heard Murphy following her, thanking whatever god there was that he was.

“What’re you doing? Let’s go,” He grabbed Echo’s arm, making her turn to face him. She peeled his hand off, eyes not leaving the ground for a second. She didn’t want to play pool, or sit down and talk. Frankly, she was tired and was looking forward to staying as far away from Clarke and whoever was with her.

She debated on whether or not to tell him. On one hand, it could be good to tell him, maybe he’ll even try to avoid Clarke himself, by not wanting to face her and everything that she came with. Metaphorically obviously. The memories.

On the other hand, he could try and find her. Try and talk to her. He would say that’s all he would do but in reality he’d definitely start a fight. This was Murphy after all. So instead Echo just sighed, pushing the button to the elevator and waited for its doors to open. She stepped in with Murphy stepping in afterward and when they got up to the room they stayed silent for a while.

Murphy didn’t bother to ask what was wrong, Echo was thankful for that. So much had happened between Murphy and Clarke that it didn’t even feel real. It created this sort of shift between the group. Not that leaving high school hadn’t already done that, but with the constant fighting going on and the final break, the others didn’t know what to do.

No one took sides, they would never, especially because that’s not what the two wanted or needed. But the others knew better anyway, they were both their friends, no matter what happened. Nothing would change that.

“Do you really think I’m that stupid? I mean, really?!” Echo shifted her eyes to the tv, some show that she had never heard of was on. The two main characters were standing in an apartment, maybe a bit bigger than their hotel room, and the walls were decorated with pictures and lights and shelves full of plants. Tilting her head, she noticed Murphy lying there with his mouth wide open and eyes shut. She smiled for a moment then reached over to him, grabbing the remote that was tucked under his arm.

He squirmed a bit before going back to a comfortable position, lying his head on the fluffy white pillow with his arms tucked underneath. Echo blew out a breath of relief. The last thing she wanted to do was wake him up. He would want to go and explore the building or try something new. He couldn’t sit still for the life of him, and according to the group, that’s something that’s never changed.

Echo turned the tv off and placed the remote back onto the nightstand next to their bed. Grabbing her jacket from the end of her bed, she took one last look around the room. With Murphy fast asleep—no sign of waking up for a while—she didn’t really need to be here, so she went down to the lobby and headed towards the entertainment room.

She made her way towards the door, throwing it open to an empty room. A few lights hidden in the ceiling lined the entire area and off to the side, there were pool tables and vending machines behind them. There were a set of chairs across from them and a bar behind the pool tables.

Echo walked over to one of the large chairs and sank into it, enjoying the warmth it provided as her body moulded with the leather. There was a light scent of leftover coffee and tea from the machines next to the door and she felt a small breeze breaking its way in through the seal of the small window that sat at the top of the wall.

Hugging her jacket closer into her body, she curled her head into her neck, taking in a long exhausted breath. Dealing with Murphy definitely could take a toll on someone and Echo was now realizing just how tiring it actually was. She loved him, he was her friend and she’d do a lot for him. But Echo could only remember the last fight she saw between the two. They were throwing things and screaming their heads off, sneering things at the other that no one in their right mind would ever think to say. It shocked everyone, considering how close they were, but no one really knew what was going on. It didn’t take too long for the others to find the cases under the bed, empty bottles of beer that must’ve supplied Murphy for many months but in reality, was only a few weeks. He was turning into his mom. Everyone saw it but him.

 

**418 Days Before Court Date**

 

The room was fully lit up by the sun when Echo was woken up by an over-enthused Murphy standing over her. Echo blinked the blurriness out of her eyes, sat up and rubbed at her head. Murphy took a loud sip of a drink above her, making an annoying smacking sound with his lips when he finished. Echo squinted at him, pursuing her lips.

“What?” Murphy smiled innocently, pretending like he didn’t know that Echo hated that sound more than anything and did it again. She kicked his shin before standing up, stretching out her back and shoulders. Sleeping on the small chair was a bad decision and Echo knew that now her back would suffer for the day.

The two of them left and started heading down to the lobby. Murphy took another sip of his drink, twirling the straw around his cup of ice that was left. Echo peered over at him, seeing right through the mask that he puts on every single day.

Echo didn’t know a lot about Murphy, but she saw how he had changed after high school and later when Clarke moved out to Toronto. He already pretended to be someone he wasn’t, aside from when he was with his friends. But when Clarke left it was like he shut off completely, only showing his true side when it slipped out.

“I had this weird dream last night,” Murphy interrupted her thinking, breaking the wall between her own thoughts and the sounds of the world. She drifted back into reality, seeing he was a few feet ahead. His hair pushed back with his head facing her.

“Mhm, really? What happened?” Echo mumbled, head buzzing with the sounds escaping through the closed doors in the hall. The carpeted floor bounced under her feet as Murphy explained his wild dream.

He was still talking as they got closer, voices of the other residents becoming louder and clearer. A crowd of people stood at the desk and in front of the doors. Some stood on the couches while others hid off to the side, avoiding everyone.

Murphy jumped up onto one of the closest lounge chairs, scanning the room. There were dozens of angry and worried people spread out in the lobby. He picked up on a few conversations, hearing the annoyed and confused undertone of those around him. He heard the words ‘blocked’, and ‘trapped’ and a few other things that definitely were not child-friendly. Turning to Echo, he gulped down his own thoughts.

“We’re snowed in.” Murphy pushed his hair out of his face. The snow—from what he could see—was covering nearly the entire entrance. There was no way out. Unless of course, someone was stupid enough to jump from their hotel room window. Although maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea, the snow would cushion the fall, right?

“What?” Echo was tall enough to see over most people, but from where they stood she couldn’t quite get a view of the door. Murphy jumped down with a huff, sinking into the chair as Echo was pushed around like she wasn’t there.

“We’re stuck in this damn hotel,” Murphy said. He was getting frustrated just by the thought. This wasn’t how he expected the night to go. Not in a long shot. But now they were there and he desperately wished he was home.

“Okay,” Echo voiced to herself, staying calm. Murphy started speaking before she could think of anything to say.

“What are we going to do?” He asked, looking to her for an answer. She looked around the crowded area. They didn’t have too many options. Eventually, the lobby would be cleared out, but where everyone would go was the question. Murphy wouldn’t go for staying in the room all day, that was for sure. So they could head back to the entertainment room or head to the pool.

The thoughts started to run wild and Echo couldn’t concentrate with all the yelling, “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out.”

“We should figure it out soon ‘cause I don’t wanna be stuck in here with 200 angry white moms that let their children run around doing fuck all!”

“Murphy,” Echo started, staring at him.

“Yeah?”

“Shut the hell up.”

< < < > > > 

Murphy was heading back up to their hotel room when he caught a glimpse of soft blonde hair turning a corner. He had stopped dead, wondering what the chances were that Clarke was actually there. In the same hotel as them.

His feet were glued to the floor as he thought: what could go wrong? He had many doubts that it was her. The possibility was small, really. Why would she be here? In a hotel when she lived in the dorms at her university?

Nonetheless, after continuing to his room he started to backtrack, travelling down the dimly lit halls, his feet occasionally tripping over the carpet.

Once he made it back to the elevators he saw her again. Black shirt, blue jeans, beat up converse. She began digging through her purse and Murphy got a peek at her face. Freckles dotting her cheeks, pale skin, rich and smooth brown eyes.

She peered up to see him standing awkwardly to the side, his hands deep in his cargo pants. Murphy tried his best to smile at her without coming off as a creep but he was sure it made things worse. He watched as she took the stairs instead, abandoning the elevator that was nearly at their floor.

He couldn’t believe that he was so stupid to believe she was actually here. He was sick and tired of pretending like every time he turned a corner she’d be there waiting for him. He messed up a lot of things in his life, but she was the one that he regretted the most. And ever since, nothing he did was good enough.

As he spun around, hair flying across his face, his heart stopped. Air wasn’t reaching his lungs anymore, he was sure of it.

Clarke was right there in front of him. He had chased down a random girl thinking it was her, then somehow she appeared behind him. This was crazy. 

He gulped down his fears as best as he could, wanting to come off as confident. He didn’t need her. He didn’t need anyone. He was John Murphy after all! He’s never needed anyone in his entire life. Not his mom, not his dad. He got on by himself. He was a survivor.

But Clarke didn’t feel like just anyone else. He didn’t just need her, he _wanted_ her. He always had. She made him want to do better, to be better. He liked who he was when he was with her. It was stupid and cliche and god only knows they both hated that, yet that’s how he felt. 

He fell in love with every single cliche he hated because she was there to live it with him. The keyword is was. She _was_ there. Murphy let her slip through his fingers, falling into a metaphorical grate, physically unable to reach. That’s how it felt. She was so close but so far.

“Murphy,” Clarke whispered, her voice sounded far off. It had been a year since he last saw her, but nothing much had changed. Her eyes were still as bright as the bluest sky he’s ever seen, she let off this vibe that just made you want to smile, and her sandy hair looked like silk you’d want to run your hands over for hours.

Only now it was cut short, her eyes were empty and the bags under them were clear evidence that she had sleepless nights the last few days. And probably many more to come in the future. From what Murphy had gathered, every college and university student had the same side effects.

“Clarke.” He couldn’t believe his eyes. She was really standing in front of him.

“How are you?”

Clarke's shoulders sunk, her eyes averting Murphy’s as she played with the strings attached to her navy blue sweatshirt. Underneath it was a shirt he couldn’t forget. With it came so many memories flooding back, but the one that stuck out to him was one in the summer of 2016, only a few months before she left.

Murphy had a side he didn’t show anyone, at least he never use to. Never did he want to admit, or even come to the conclusion that he was a good guy. He kept all his secrets, never opening the door for anyone aside from a few close friends. Then Clarke wasn’t just a friend, they weren’t a thing, but he wouldn’t dare call her a friend.

It was that day that he decided to let the door swing open just once more and he was happy that he did.

He remembered it so perfectly and clear, Clarke walking into the shelter wearing her paint-splattered shirt that each one of their friends drew on when they were bored in English class. The science symbols Raven drew that no one else understood. The flower patch with circling butterflies, curtesy of Octavia. Some greek mythology drawing (that Murphy never cared to learn what it was) from Bellamy. And then Murphy’s stupid little dinosaur because he was sure he was a child throughout high school.

But that’s not why Murphy remembers or likes to remember that day so well. It wasn’t the shirt or the way he enjoyed the feeling of what he was doing—because donating as much as he could to shelters was something he loved but would never share—it wasn’t even the warmth that made him so happy that day. And Murphy preferred the warmer weather so much that he’d never shut up about it.

It wasn’t any of that though. It was the three words that so carelessly slipped off Clarke’s tongue while they were helping an older couple to a bed. Either she didn’t notice or acted like she never said them, hoping he didn’t hear them.

“I’m...I’m doing alright” Clarke answered honestly, her mind exploding with relief that she could talk.

“That’s good,” Murphy stopped, not knowing how to continue. He wanted to say so much but he knew if he said the wrong thing he would scare her off. But his mouth opened before his brain couldn’t even stop him. “I’ve missed y-“

Maybe it was a good thing that Murphy was interrupted, maybe it was a sign that opening his mouth wasn’t always the best decision. Although the man that seemed too tall even when he wasn’t, terrified Murphy, he couldn’t help but be just a little pissed that this guy intervened while they were talking.

“Clarke, you alright? This guy bugging you?” His voice was strong and deep. He was tall with brown hair and freckles and Murphy noticed that he almost resembled Bellamy in away. Only a douchey-er version. An asshole that would not stop at anything to make you feel like crap. And had Murphy been with anyone else he would have laughed it off, throwing out some sarcastic remark because that’s all he knew. Instead of sarcasm, his insides filled with anger over the thought that he’d be _bugging_ Clarke. 

Murphy knew what that meant. It was a territorial type of thing. Like, _get away from my girl before I break your face._ Murphy had those thoughts quite a lot when he and Clarke were a “thing”. The only difference was that Murphy never restricted Clarke from talking to other guys, never tried to intimidate guys for the sake of doing so. He’d like to think that’s what would make him a great boyfriend, but he didn’t want to come off as arrogant.

This guy, however, crawled right under Murphy’s skin the second his too-perfect face showed up. He couldn’t handle it.

“Excuse m-“ Murphy's eyes went wide and buggy, nose flaring while he took a step closer. Clarke only stood there, unamused at both of the them. Before Murphy could do anything stupid, his hero, as he thought, came to his aid.

Echo introduced herself to the guy and he shook her hand; he told her his name was Brian. Clarke and her caught up after so long, Brian standing behind her as Murphy stood behind Echo. Like two dogs that would get into it if they weren’t held back.

Murphy didn’t like Brian, not even in the slightest. And he definitely didn’t like the thought that Clarke would lower her standards enough to date him. He thought he may come off as jealous, and if he were being honest, that might be part of it, but Brian came off as aggressive and gave Murphy and uneasy feeling that he couldn’t shake, even late into the day, long after they separated.

No matter how many times he tried to distract himself, his mind only wandered back to them. To him. He wished he could like him, wish he could put it to rest, but Murphy got a bad feeling about the guy.

He only hoped he was wrong about it.


End file.
